I remember getting my first journal in elementary school. It had a lock on it and it promised to hold all of my secrets. I read it recently and was saddened by how much I buried my feelings and experiences from everyone.

I felt so alone, so diminished and so painfully unwanted.

I often wonder what would have happened with my relationship with my parents if I had been allowed to share my loneliness when it was happening.

Would they have listened or would it have hurt them causing them to further retreat.

I have a better relationship with them now after I grew the courage to explain how I felt but it came 30 years later and I mourn what could have been.